So, one year in. Do I feel like fatherhood has changed me? Is it everything I expected or worse???
I have always felt like I was born to be a Father. Beit the Mr Responsibility traits that seem to have been embedded in me throughout my life, or my experiences with my own father. The desire has always been there. So one year ago when my beautiful daughter came into my world I didn’t feel so much like my world had been turned upside down, but more that a dream had been achieved. I was excited at the prospect of all the trials and tribulations of fatherhood that lay ahead and completely consumed by a new form of love that only a parent can understand.
It’s a love that you just can’t put into words. The way her face lights up as I walk through the door after a day at work, watching her dose off to sleep on my shoulder, listening to her giggle and babbles of excitement as she discovers something new and even the way she screws up her face as she tries a new piece of fruit. These are just some of the experiences that fill with me joy on a daily basis that make up that love.
I don’t think having Maya in my world has changed me but it has enhanced my perspective on two aspects of life that have changed my attitudes and behaviours towards certain things. I have an increased drive to work smarter and be more for my family. They need me to be the best version of me possible and take the opportunities that come my way. I know I’m not quite where I should be in my career but I have no greater incentive now than my own family’s happiness. If they have a happy Ash then it’s going to be better for them regardless of the financial rewards.
Also life is short and precious and it flies by before you realise it. You have to capture and cherish those moments while they are there. Watching her grow over this last year and how quickly she has progressed from rolling to crawling to walking has been incredible. But she is never going to be that baby rolling to get to her toy anymore, that time has gone and it won’t come back. So you have to appreciate it while it’s there and enjoy each moment and transition as it happens. So as much as I want to work harder, I won’t be forgetting to make time to not always be on my phone or Mac but to be there with her and enjoy it all.
Has fatherhood really changed me? I didn’t think so but after writing this I’d have to say it had. I’m a happier more focused person since she came into my world and I’m so much better for it.