Hi peeps, just joined #TeamDaddyDiaries today but you guys have all made me feel more than at home

Let me start off by introducing myself, my name is Nathan, I’m from east dulwich, I work full time for royal mail and have all kinds of hobbies when I find the time to.

I have 2 kids. I’ll admit though that I sometimes say 1 child and that is my daughter, Tianna-Leigh.

The reason why I sometimes say  I have one child is a long story which I hope to try and get daddy diaries to understand and maybe give me a little guidance and advice in order to help find direction on where to go next with the situation.

Before my daughter Tianna, I had a relationship with a previous girlfriend (lets call her x). I was seeing x roughly for a year, maybe just under and she fell pregnant. At the time I was quite young minded, I’d say I was about 17-18 maybe, anyway so she told me she was pregnant. My immediate reaction out of shock was “take a test let me see” but I didn’t say it in disrespect, that was the first time anything like that had been said to me so I guess I jus wanted to see if it were true. I knew I was gonna be there If she was pregnant, I was working full time do financially, I could also support.

As soon as I said that, the trouble started. She saying I was disrespecting her and that I was wrong to ask her to do that. So over a period of time we did not speak, I did have it in the back of my mind she was pregnant but I needed it in my face. About 6 months down the line, she calls me and says she needs to see me because she’s got something to show me. She comes round and her stomach is massive, then I knew my life just got REAL!

Its like ever since she saw my happy reaction she knew she had something that could really hurt me.
The disagreements got worse to a point I had to tell her “I’m gonna put money aside everyweek and buy stuff“.  All I asked was for her to keep me posted for when she is near to labour so I can be there to see my son being born.

I decided to take that approach because the disagreement then turned into games, mind games like you wouldn’t believe and I was young so I didn’t really know how to deal with them problems.
So one day I’m sitting at a table having dinner with my family (knowing that i have yet to tell them  x is pregnant). I was nervous like hell to tell them, I then get a phonecall and its her sister telling me my son has been born he weighs 7.5 and he’s healthy. When I heard that I was happy but more than anything very very angry because I did not get the chance to watch my first born child be born.  I told my parents the next day, they were very shocked, whereas me and her was In disagreement over this situation with me not being able to watch him being born. Even though I am not proud to say, I didn’t see my son until 5 weeks after he was born because I felt so disrespected and I felt like she didn’t care. It was the worst 5 weeks of my life, I did not have a picture or anything, all I had was phonecalls and I could hear him crying in the background.

So we arranged to meet up and I was jus speechless, tears everything, best day of my life, we had a chat and decided to put everything behind us and do what’s best for j’vonne.
Months went by, but as they did I started to realise she continuously used my son as a weapon, like every time we argued or she didn’t get what she wanted,  I didn’t come down or something its “well your not seeing your son then”. So it got too much and I went to my dad, he told me “nathan if your not on the birth certificate, you have no legs to stand. You need to get your name on the birth certificate”. That was another thing his name was picked and everything I had no say what so ever. I highlighted what my dad told me to her and she went irate.
I remember her saying ” why the hell would you want your name on his birth certificate if the government are going to take £150 a week out of your wages”
Me being an idiot believed her and I wasn’t really bothered about the birth certificate because all I wanted was to see my son.
I didn’t know what to do, and I was being brainwashed by her and her family to a point I turned on my own family it got ridiculous!

Then came a day I was suppose to go to her house and I felt really sick after work but I had said to her I was going to come round. I phoned to her and said I’m feeling really under the weather, I will stay at home, get rid of the illness and then I’ll be down the next day or the day after.
She wasn’t having it, saying “that’s it ur not seeing him ever again.” I didn’t take her seriously, I just thought she was pissed off and because she sed it all the time I didn’t believe her”.
Even as I write this now, it still doesn’t feel like that day she meant what she said. My son is now 4 years old going 5 on 21st of august and I haven’t seen him.

I tried going court and but all they did was take long, so I left it, plus it was all too much at the time with all this was going on. I’m so cut up over the whole situation but I don’t have the strength in me to go back into all of that.

Since then I have had my little girl Tianna-Leigh, I am so grateful that I got a chance to do all the things I never had the chance to do with my son. I kinda see it like its a second chance, although I never for one second forgot about J’vonne, I kinda do feel selfish not pursuing trying to see my son again.
But I refuse to look and get him back into Tianna’s life for his mum to take him away from his sister when she pleases and upset Tianna. The day will come when I will tackle the situation, I’m jus afraid its too late.

Thanks for reading and listening #DaddyDiares, your questions & opinion are welcomed.

I forgot to also say that now she has moved address and I dont have a clue where she is.

I have attached the one and only picture I have and cherished of my son J’vone

she took all the pictures I had.