It’s been a while since my last Daddy Diary entry, so it seems as though I have some catching up to do! Alexzandria (Zan) is 2 years old now, as of June 5th. She is energetic and bright, tall and slender, LOUD and fun…and developing a mind of her own, to my dismay! Zan got the opportunity to meet Lily, fellow DD baby (Kamran’s beautiful mini-me), earlier this year! It was especially exciting to see the two of them interact, and as expected, I cried on more than one occasion. Although I told the group I was just sweating…from my eyes. I’m pretty certain they believed me…after all, perspiration from the eyes is totally common, right?
Zan is developing so quickly, her speech is greatly improved, and we are shocked almost daily at the things that come out of her mouth. For instance, not too long ago I was washing dishes when Zan ran up, smacked me on my butt, yelled “I love BOOTY!” and ran out of the room. She also pretends to take pictures of my butt whilst saying, “say cheese booty” to which, of course, I strike the best pose possible! (Hey, we don’t pass up photo opps in this family!) She seems to have an obsession with things like that at the moment. Just 2 days ago, I stood next to our couch, rifling through a pile of clean laundry; I stood shirtless, as I aimed to find an undershirt to wear. Out of nowhere, Zan hops on the couch, stands up, and and squeezes my chest. She looked at me, straight faced, and said, “Boobs! You’re a pretty girl, Daddy!” To which my response was, “Uh, thanks Zan.” reluctantly, almost fearing what she may say next, “You’re a pretty girl too.” I figured I wouldn’t bother arguing with her that I was a boy…and I contemplated quitting the push-ups I had recently added to my workout routine. I decided to take it as a compliment, that my pecs were getting bigger, and this was her way of complimenting me! That is, until she began to pinch my nipples and laugh…all semblance of compliment, gone. Needless to say, she keeps things interesting in our life, thank God I’m not easily offended or embarrassed!
Alexzandria seems to be learning very quickly, she knows the difference between “up” and “down,” and is quickly picking up “left” and “right.” She knows her alphabet up to the letter “J,” followed by mumblings, and picks back up at “Q,” normally finishing out correctly. She consistently counts to 5, and often attempts to count to ten, but bypasses 6 and 7. She loves to sing and dance, and I have learned that no matter how reserved you are, when a 2 year old asks you to dance with her, you do it! I must say, I rather enjoy the spontaneity. Zan is really teaching me more about living in the moment. I have learned that many “important things” can wait…my daughter wants to dance with me! I don’t want to miss a thing, I want to enjoy every piece of her magnetic and charismatic personality, before she gets to the age of being embarrassed just for being seen with ‘dear old Dad.’ I’m finding that stopping to smell the roses, so to speak, has made life much richer! Alexzandria seems to notice everything, and look at ‘normal’ things in wonderment and amazement. She has a keen eye for detail, and often sees things in the room that we overlook. She has a great appreciation for the little things, and in a lot of ways, I want to be like her when I grow up. Alexzandria is truly teaching me the value of life, the beauty in the details, and showing me what’s really important.
Lately, Ive been reflecting. Paying special attention to what matters, watching people with their children, and learning lessons from ‘modern normalcy.’ I’ve been paying special attention to what it really means to parent a child, build a family. You know what I noticed? Often, while we are parents who provide for our families and do everything we can think of to ensure their well being, we are still lacking. There have been moments where I was in the room with my daughter physically, but I was mentally still at work, or my mind was on what I needed to accomplish next. I was an “absent father” in the moment, becoming so distracted with my “importance” (which was significantly less important that I initially thought) that I was not focused on the most important thing I should’ve been taking part in: Daddy-daughter time. Here I was, letting myself miss the richness of my daughter in this moment, because in my mind, I was still at work. I couldn’t help but think, “Is this what it feels like to be a deadbeat dad? Am I showing my daughter, my family what they really mean to me?” I’ve come to the conclusion that, as dads, our physical presence simply isn’t enough, we MUST be actively engaged mentally. So now, when I’m home, I’m home, because I don’t want to rob my daughter of her time with me. I’ve found that it can be so easy to get distracted, and ultimately, balance is necessary.
A couple of months ago, my wife, Alison and I took Zan to the park. There was a little boy trying to get his dad’s attention. “Look at me Dad!” He kept shouting with excitement, “Look what I can do!” The dad never once really looked at his son, occasionally he would glance his way in an effort to pacify him. The father was engaged in something on his phone. Then, the dad looked up, he didn’t see his son. He started to panic. He began frantically looking for him. Finally he found him, standing in front of the slide, in the exact same area he’d been playing in. He snatched his son by his arm and lectured him about how he should have never left his sight. Had he been watching his son play, he would’ve noticed the boy was never missing. Now, the boy was in trouble, for the fathers negligent character. I shook my head and thought, “Lord, don’t ever let me be so distracted, that I miss my kids growing up right in front of me; That I become completely disconnected with who they are, that I ignore their cry for help or attention.” Twenty years from now, that man won’t even remember what game he was playing, status he was reading, or conversation he was having…and sadly, he won’t have a memory of time spent with his son while he was still young. The man was so plugged into his phone, that he never realized he was unplugged from what really matters.
I NEVER want to be that dad, husband, or son, because one day, when all I have left is my memories, I want to remember what matters most. My phone isn’t what matters, neither is my favorite tv program. What matters is my daughter, Zandri. What matters is my family! I only wish more people truly saw what they are missing. I am so thankful that my two year old is teaching me what it means to truly live life to the fullest. Maybe she should write a book or something. It seems we could all learn something from these little people we call our children. After all, who says we have to do ALL the teaching? Food for thought. To every reader: take care, and I hope that what my 2 year old taught me, has the power to change your life, like it has changed mine.
Linwood.
